Can't Sleep

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. It is close to 4 in the morning and I had to right some stuff down to clear my mind. I am disappointed in how I am in general lately. I am selfish and not very nice lately. Everything is and has been about me. I so badly want to change that. Not quite sure how. I have spent some time praying over the last hour or so and I know that helps me. I have been feeling like I haven't been a very good mom lately. I feel bad for my kids, and my husband. They have been great and love me anyways, but I need to focus more time on them and less on me. I want a closer relationship with God and Jesus, I feel them pulling me closer to them. They want me to be less selfish and concentrate more on my family and friends then what I have been. I love them, but not like I should. I know that Jesus is there for me, I am always praying for things, but things to help me out, not in the right way. I am super lucky, I have so much in my life to be thankful for, and I still think that I should have more or better things. God doesn't see the material things in my life, He sees what is in my heart. He wants me to love my kids and not see what is wrong with them, but totally love them and be a great influence to them. I got a beautiful mothers day card from Carol the other day and she wrote in there to bring my kids to the Lord, it will bless me greatly. I want to learn how to do that, not just by going to church but reading to them about God and Jesus, and teaching them how to love them. I have 2 God children that I want to help bring to God too (and Alec too) I have been blessed to be there Godmother, I need to accept that and help them.

Well I feel better now, I am going to try to go back to bed, Jake woke me up by telling me that he felt he need to puke, I at first of course thought "How could he wake me up from my sleep" but I am so glad he did now. I feel so much better and I am going to work on this relationship I so want with God and Jesus.