I am sad

I am sad. I wished I could be at my Grandpa's funeral. But we can't because we are going to Orlando Florida. I am not excited to go now, the weather is going to be cold. I feel so guilty for going, and not going to my Grandpa's funeral. It sucks at what life throws at you. It is too expensive to cancel our trip, so we have no choice but to go. I am sad about not seeing Grandpa anymore. I am sad for my Dad who has to be so sad about losing his dad. I am sad for Grandma, who has to be missing her life partner sooooo much. I wished I could be at the funeral, for my dad, for my Grandma. But I can't. I completely understand why the funeral is when it is, I would want it over with as soon as possible too, to not drag it out. Plus, I know that Grandpa would want me to go. I still feel so bad.

Plus there is the matter of flying. I am a very nervous flyer, and flying with kids, will be challenging for me. I don't want them scared, so I have to be sooooooooooo very brave, and let them enjoy it for what it is. I know that we are going to be fine, I have read so much on it, and I am feeling pretty confident. There are always those sneaky little thoughts that get in my head, STUPID THOUGHTS!! I pray a lot and that helps A LOT! So I know it will be fine, thankfully I know where we are sitting and that helps too. We will be fine, and the kids will have so much fun. I hopefully will be busy entertaining Alyssah to worry about anything and I really hope it isn't too turbulant. But thankfully I have read enough to know that turbulance it ok and not dangerous. So all you 3 readers out there, please pray for me and my family to have a nice trip.